A grief observed

"My friends tell me, 'she goes on.' But my heart and body are crying out, come back, come back. Be a circle, touching my circle on the plane of Nature. But I know this is impossible. I know that the thing I want is exactly the thing I can never get. The old life, the jokes, the drinks, the arguments, the lovemaking, the tiny, heartbreaking commplace. On any view whatever, to say 'H. is dead,' is to say, 'All that is gone.' It is a part of the past. And the past is the past and that is what time means, and time itself is one more name for death, and Heaven itself is a state where 'the former things have passed away.'
Talk to me about the truth of religion and I'll listen gladly. Talk to me about the duty of religion and I'll listen submissively. But don't come talking to me about the consolations of religion or I shall suspect that you don't understand."

I can talk about grief all day, and what has happened these last eight months and how I've changed etc. I can sit here and try to figure it out or play it over in my mind as to how I could've changed the end result as I have so many times since you've left.
But in the end it just comes down to the fact that I miss you.

All the time.
I miss your goofy smile, and your jokes, and how witty you were. I miss your smell and your hugs. I miss our drives and riding dirtbikes at the spot and staying up all night only to do it all over again the next day. I miss hearing you play music and your nerdy video games that you forced me to play. I miss playing with your arm hair while we watched tv, and how it turned blond every summer without fail. I miss our butterfly kisses, cheesy I know. I miss your mind and thought process. I miss your cute nose and moles that you just hated. I miss nagging at you for pulling out your eye lashes any time you were stressed out. I miss how you called me puffy toad any time I got mad at you. I miss us rescuing dogs off the street...and that one dove haha. I miss that terrible face you always made to creep me out, and anyone for that matter. I miss watching 300 and Lord of the Rings for the 25th time. I miss us. I met with one of your friends this weekend and after all the talking and venting we came to that same conclusion. We just miss you.
I miss you. you, you, you.