Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Out of the Darkness

A few months ago I joined in with hundreds of people at the Texas Capital to walk in the yearly Out of the Darkness Walk benefiting the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. The AFSP is at the forefront of research, education, and prevention initiatives designed to reduce loss of life from suicide and this particular walk is their biggest fundraiser of the year.

People walk to honor their lost loved ones, support the cause, raise funds to continue this important work, raise awareness about the severity of suicide in our nation, and they walk to save lives. 

I walked for Chantz. I walked because for as long as I can I will be a voice in the fight against suicide and mental health stigma. I walked because it matters. Because I hope that through my story I can offer hope and support to anyone that needs it. I walked because it's unacceptable that suicide is the 4th leading cause of death in the U.S. among adults 18-65, claiming more than 39,500 lives each year.
I walked for you.

It was a beautiful event, filled with upbeat energy. We were all there due to heart wrenching and unfortunate circumstances, but connected by a common thread whose similar sorrow needed to be shared like the very oxygen we breathe. In that we stopped being strangers.

That morning, I saw an overwhelming amount of deep love, and I think for the first time in four years the reality of this statement made its way into my subconscious and decided to stick around for good: it wasn't my fault. It wasn't anyone's fault. Logically, I had known this for a long time, but there was always a part of me that kept telling me that I could've prevented this, that we could have stopped it. If love had been enough, if that had been the secret to saving our lost ones, I don't think anyone we were walking for would have even battled with suicide in the first place...that much was abundantly clear that morning. Unfortunately, mental illness doesn't really work like that.
Do I believe I could've been better for Chantz? Of course. Will I always ask myself unanswerable questions? More than likely. I don't think that will ever leave me, but to acknowledge the severity of mental illness makes one realize that the best thing one can do for someone struggling with suicide, depression, stigma, or any other mental health disorder, is to love and support them unconditionally, and assist them in finding professional help....just like with any other illness.
We must be informed and stop talking about these issues as if they're a a dirty little secret, that's how we will come out of the darkness and start providing the necessary help and support for those that need it. Just because it isn't our fault, it doesn't mean we can't be better at supporting, educating ourselves, and understanding. In fact, we must be better.

The wound is the place where the Light enters you