It gets so much better...three years later and I am thriving. It's happiness. This isn't to say that I am not entirely transformed by everything that's happened, but it isn't what defines me anymore. This isn't proof that eventually we all go back to our happy lives, as those who contemplate suicide like to think those left behind would do. It's a testament that the human spirit can endure the unthinkable. And that we can start anew. I am not back to my "happy old life," I have just finally learned how to live and love this new one. The bad days are still there, especially a few days before any anniversary, but they are further and further apart. A thing to celebrate! I have moved cities, a wise choice which has allowed me to heal even more so; that distance from every physical reminder was exactly what I needed. A conscious decision that I needed to keep moving forward and looking back less and less. And every time I go home to visit, I relish in every reminder, for you did exist and always will within me. I have also started working with children at an Elementary School as a bilingual tutor. At this moment, I am exactly where I want to be. I am fulfilled by everything I do, and I am working to improve myself daily and live as passionately as I can. With it comes the trivial and that which I used to laugh at with contempt. The silly household and monetary issues, normalcy, "bad" days, but I am so thankful I can partake in these everyday moments; they are simply part of life. I have plans, dreams, and goals and I am constantly aware that they will change and that the future is completely unknown to me, but it's that hope for the future that I am glad to have once more. I wish you could see sometimes, but I don't desperately need you to anymore.
I love you, I miss you, and I forgive you.
