The first was the benefit concert
The second was actually finishing and doing well in a school term this summer since all of this, only leaving me with two more semesters till I graduate. School has been meaningless for so long, and it still seems that way sometimes but...well, I'm still working on how to finish that sentence.
And this trip is my third...my way of reminding myself that I need to move forward and be okay with doing things without Chantz, and also to get away from Texas and the weight the memories of last year seem to hold. It's been tough, I catch myself thinking that he should be here, or wondering where I would be instead if he were still alive. I try not to look back, but that's the only place where I still see him. So far, this trip has been what I needed. It's been a mess with so many roadblocks along the way, but it's been a wonderful experience.I find myself just seeing what's going to happen next and being open to it. I don't need to be in control, I just need to live and enjoy doing so.
I know I've accomplished more than three things thus far..it's been a million little things in the last year, that really are huge accomplishments, but these three things are short term goals I've made for myself and followed through with. It may not sound like the biggest thing, but to me, it's huge. I'm piecing my life back together with fulfilling experiences, and that's just wonderful to me.
Traveling is what really helps my soul the most, every time I do it, it feels lighter, as if I'm leaving parts of this load in each place I visit and bring a part of that place with me in return.
xxx
Freedom.
I've been trapped in a situation I had no control over. Yes.
But I've also been liberated from everything else...social norms, expecations as to how I should live my life. From the fear of showing love to those around me. From what we are told is meaningful in this world.
Freedom is choosing to live for the sake of living.
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| San Diego Beach |
As usual, awesome job.
ReplyDeleteI remember when my girlfriend had passed, I was in a world of disbelief.
As time went by I kept going back to when we met and all the things we loved about each other.
I used to go back in time and stayed there for hours, not realizing that I was dwelling on something that I could never have again.
And so far 11 years later it never has been the same, but I have had the chance to live a new life.
I have met new people and made most of them my friends.
I have been given a chance to impact others with my knowledge and experiences.
I do wish things could have been different 11 years ago, but wishing that will never come true.
Your doing great Veronica, keep doing what you're doing.
Know that I am proud to have you as a friend...