October 27.

I write, because I can't stay quiet. I share, because it needs to matter. It needs to help and make a difference. Something like this can't just happen and be forgotten. Sometimes it feels like it has...the world keeps turning as it should, but it needs to carry these experiences with it. Do I think that if I help at least one person, the guilt and loss of it all will simmer down in my being? No; there's no substitution for that. But things like these shouldn't happen and they shouldn't continue to happen all around us. We live in a society where this is becoming a trend and there's so much apathy...a mentality that we're better off without people who don't want to be here in the first place...that is mighty ignorant. Death is already inevitable without us having to rush the process.

x

Today, my sister would've been 16 years old. I wonder who she would've been and how we would've spent celebrating this special day. It never goes away, that heartache just transforms into something else, something you can live with. But when days like these arrive, you can't help but go down memory lane, and ask yourself infinite questions, but mostly, you wish for an instant that things weren't the way they are. With all the time that's passed, it's near impossible for me to picture a world with her in it. She's a part of me in the way I see the world, but she's not a part of the world itself. She taught me the most about innocent love, mainly because she never got to be old enough to be corrupted by anything, and every little beautiful lesson she taught me is the only legacy I have left of her. I'd like to say that after all this time days like these aren't painful in the least, but that would be a lie. But I think there's something really beautiful in that; time may take us further and further away from those we lost, but we never forget or stop loving them. With that comes the weight of their absence, and I for one, am perfectly okay with carrying that around. Our love is never free.
Happy Birthday sweet girl, love you to infinity.