The hardest part? Knowing you will never fulfill your dreams. That you will never play another song or spend hours upon hours researching cool facts about chemistry and biology and impossible songs you are determined to learn perfectly. That you will never laugh that contagious laughter again. That you will not ride that dirt bike of yours or feel the rain again. That you had so much living ahead of you, and it's all gone. That it's all so very permanent day after day. And it will always be this way. You will be a part of the past. Not the present, nor future, in terms of your own existence and growth.
That one day, I will be further away from when you existed than closer. It may become a distant memory that a girl who doesn't exist anymore experienced.
That one day, even if you were to come back, I will choose to have the life I have without you, than the one we would've had.
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