Passion is imperative to life

I love life more than anything in this world.

really.

The thing is, that I've been fighting that love every step of the way since you've left.
I feel guilty that I love being alive and what it is to be a human being and part of this existence..and you're gone.
I feel like I'm doing something wrong by wanting to experience everything this world has to offer.

I want to read as many books as I can throughout my life, I want to listen to beautiful and inspiring music until I'm old and can't hear anymore, I want to eat as much delicious food as I can. I want to show my friends how much I love them and appreciate their existence. I want to live in Spain for a few years. I want to see beautiful art, and learn all there is about it and its history in grad school..maybe become a museum curator someday. I want to help as many people as I can. I want to do my part in the field of social justice. I want to go to the peace corps. I want to visit Poland and see the places you raved about, especially that castle you wanted to get married in, and eat as much of that delicious chocolate you told me about. I want to have children and aid in helping them become the best human beings they can be. I want to go back to El Escorial in Spain, my most favorite place in the world thus far. I want to be the maid of honor at my best friend's wedding. I want to learn as much as I can about everything in this world. I want to quit smoking one day and run a marathon.I want to learn how to meditate and find zen. I want to get better at poker and play chess with people that love it as much as I do. I want to go sky diving. I want to go back to vegetarianism. I want to visit Russia and learn how to speak Russian. And Italian. I want to see my favorite bands live...many times. I want to go all the music shows I can go to. I want to meet as many wonderful, intelligent, and beautiful people as I can, and develop friendships with them. I want to go museums as see my favorite art pieces. I want to take care of my cats and perhaps get one more later in life. I want to continue growing as a person every day and with every experience. I want to know that I lived as much as I could and did everything within my power to make this life worth it.

So why do I feel like I shouldn't? Like I'm doing something wrong by wanting all of this, let alone pursuing it. Like I'm leaving you behind if I live my life.
I've gotten significantly "better" about living and not just existing, but that guilt is always there.
My life motto is "passion is imperative to life." I've been trying to subdue that passion for way too long now, for fear that you'll think I'm okay without you. I fear that you'll think I don't care that you're gone, that it doesn't matter anymore, and that I don't love you.
It's getting harder to subdue this and I feel like I'm betraying you.
I've met so many equally passionate people these last eleven months who inspire me to live as I know I should, and I'm at odds with myself because of it.
Them, me, life...or you.