Wish You Were Here: Last Easter

I have never been easter egg hunting, and because of this, Chantz told me that we would do it before we got married (apparently that was his plan all along ; )). Last year we ended up making easter eggs but we got around to making them really late, because we got in a stupid fight that should've been resolved in five minutes, but wasnt, so we didn't get to hide the eggs and go hunting for them. We said we'd do it this year to make up for it. We were going to go to our favorite park and make a whole day of it. And then we were going to have a picnic afterwards. It's stupid little stuff like that that you lose alongside with all the big things. I was really looking forward to this, but I guess that's the thing, sometimes you dont get do overs. We can all say 'well it didnt work out this time so next time we'll make sure it's even better." But you don't know if next time will ever come around and if you'll just be looking back on that unsuccessful time hoping you could just have one more chance to do it right...but just do it right the first time, and when you don't, accept it and appreciate what was wonderful about it either way. I loved little adventures with you. He was always such a trooper about what I wanted to do, and as long as I was a trooper about his more reckless boy things then we were set. That was the best part about last easter..after our stupid fight we got all the things we needed and started making them like nothing had happened. We joked, and laughed so much. Yeah, we did fight more than we should've, but when the fights were done, we carried on like nothing had happened.I didn't think missing out on this would fill me with such sorrow as it has, but last night it really hit me and consumed me for a while. There's always going to be another thing that we're missing out on together, and you didn't even realize it. I try to do things in your honor, but sometimes it's too much. It's just that reminder that I'm only doing this because you're not here. Otherwise we would've been together, doing something else...anything else, but this.

I'll love you forever