4-29-2011

No one goes to sleep thinking about me anymore.
And the thing is that I don't want just anyone doing that.
I want Chantz to be that person just like he's the only one I go to sleep thinking about every night.

It's kind of silly, I never even told him, but this is one of our songs, and I wanted it to be the song we danced to at our wedding someday. Listen
                                                                        

  Love Song

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again

However far away, I will always love you
However long I stay, I will always love you
Whatever words I say, I will always love you
I will always love you

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am free again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am clean again

However far away, I will always love you
However long I stay, I will always love you
Whatever words I say, I will always love you
I will always love you

Today isn't a very good day. I realize now that I will never have the connection I had with Chantz with anyone else, and since he's been gone I've been searching desperately for that exact same thing to fill the void he left behind...unsuccessfully of course. I will still have connections with other people, but what Chantz and I had is between us only. All relationships are unique in their own way according to the people involved in them. I just can't grasp the fact that I will never have what I had some months ago.

The finality of things sometimes is unbearable.