For your birthday, I am throwing a benefit concert. The purpose of the night is to celebrate the significance and importance of life and to also raise awareness about the realities of suicide and those left behind in the aftermath. All the proceeds will go to To Write Love On Her Arms, a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide in your memory.
I hate the reasons why I'm doing this. I hate that this big celebration is taking place and you wont even be there for it. I'm also angry with you..and hurt about it. I do things in your honor and you dont even know. But I think you would be proud that I am taking this step. I think this is the best way to honor and represent you and your life, and what you loved most....music. This is not me pretending you were someone else, this is just accepting it and rejoicing in it and hopefully making a tiny difference in helping someone else. No one should have to go through this, and I wish that I could do everything in my power to make that happen.
I hate the reasons why I'm doing this. I hate that this big celebration is taking place and you wont even be there for it. I'm also angry with you..and hurt about it. I do things in your honor and you dont even know. But I think you would be proud that I am taking this step. I think this is the best way to honor and represent you and your life, and what you loved most....music. This is not me pretending you were someone else, this is just accepting it and rejoicing in it and hopefully making a tiny difference in helping someone else. No one should have to go through this, and I wish that I could do everything in my power to make that happen.
I'm hoping that this will also be therapeutic and healing for me. I've been dreading your birthday for months now, not knowing what I would do...ever since we started dating I did special things for your birthday and I knew that this year was going to be such a painful blow. There's no use in spending the day drinking it away
when I could use the it to help others, myself, and celebrate who you were, right?
when I could use the it to help others, myself, and celebrate who you were, right?
I wasn't allowed at your funeral, and I remember being told that your parents said I should just do something on my own to honor you in my own way. It hurt to hear that..I just wanted to be near you and I couldn't. And at the time I was in no place to even plan something. My friends were wonderful enough to plan a friend visitation, and that was very sweet of them. But this is you in every way I can think of. Now I am in a place where I can do this for you. Funerals are a necessary ritual in the grieving process..I know that by not being able to be a part of that, it took me a lot longer to realize you were really gone and led to a lot of bitterness. Now I can have my own sort of closure after all this time and move a little forward in this process.
♥
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