23

The anticipation of this birthday has been somewhat tougher than last year's. I think it has to do with the fact that your absence is a concrete fact in my life now, and that it will be for the rest of time.
It has been a wonderful and hectic year as well, filled with so much healing, love, and creating a new life for myself, but my heart has been very heavy for a few weeks now.
Our 20's are supposed to be wonderful, and carefree. A time when we are open to every possibility this world has to offer. A time when we can pursue any path we choose and not suffer the severe consequences of our mistakes. A time when we make friends as young adults that could possibly lead to friendships of a lifetime. A time to fall in and out of love, and that be the worst thing that could happen to us. A time when we feel invincible, as we will never feel the bitter sting of loss or death. A time to travel and start over as many times as we may choose. A time to be poor as dirt, and be okay with it. A time to truly take flight and do everything and anything we want. Our youth is so precious, and to not spend every ounce of it on life is an abomination.
I can only imagine all the paths you would've taken. And today, I will think of you and carry you in my heart as I do daily, but I will not mourn you. You taught me so much about life, death, love and loss, and I'm still amazed at everything you teach me daily. Your life was short, but you lived with such ferocity. I will remember that today.

Happy Birthday Chantz, I miss you daily and love you dearly.